What Will I Do All Day?

Friday, July 8, 2016

What Work Do You Need to Do?

Friday Routine is my weekly ritual of driving to Starbucks, ordering a skinny mocha grande, and writing a blog post. Why do I do this? I don't have thousands of readers. I don't have a Facebook page so I must not have any "likes." And yet, every Friday I show up to the page and work to meet my goal of posting two articles each month.

Similarly, Bill, a retired music teacher is committed to directing a community band. In this volunteer role he is free to direct, compose, and improvise music as he wishes—and he does it with excellence. When my husband Dave said, "Bill puts so much effort into directing the band" I responded, "It's the work he needs to do." Dave and the other band members benefit from Bill's work, but that's not why he does it. Bill puts so much effort into the director's role because it makes him happy.

I'm the same way. I do the work when no one is looking, when it seems like no one is watching, reading, or is interested. I do the work for me. I do the work because it makes me happy.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert understands this concept. In her book, Big Magic, Gilbert says, "I did not write this book for you; I wrote it for me. I wrote this book for my own pleasure, because I truly enjoy thinking about the subject of creativity. It's enjoyable and useful for me to meditate on this topic."

My heart sinks when a friend talks about wanting to write a book but she's hung up on the dismal chance that a publisher will be interested in her work. Hence, she hasn't started writing. She's missing out on the joy and satisfaction of doing what she loves to do. She needs to learn that in retirement you do the work for yourself. You do the work because it makes YOU happy.

Instead of waiting for the big phone call to start your work, Gilbert says to "follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart. The rest of it will take care of itself." There is no better time to do this than in our retirement years.

So, what causes a revolution in your heart? Now get started on creating this work—

the work YOU need to do for YOU.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Time Affluence

A friend asked, "I know you're so busy, but would you weed for a couple hours at the town park?" When I learned that I would be weeding alone, I responded, "I'm not so busy, but I prefer to volunteer for group activities."

There. I said it. I spoke the unspeakable. "I'm not so busy."

In retirement we go from not having enough time to having an abundance of time. We go from time poverty to time affluence. And yet, instead of celebrating our newfound wealth, many of us hide behind a façade of being "so busy." It's hard to break free from the belief that busyness equates with value and significance. If we're not busy, are we still important?

In the book Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar defines time affluence as "the feeling that one has sufficient time to pursue activities that are personally meaningful, to reflect, to engage in leisure." Compare this to time poverty, "the feeling that one is constantly stressed, rushed, overworked, and behind." Being time-rich is good for our health.

To make the most of your new prosperity, apply the AAAAA principles.

Admit that you have time.
Appreciate your new time affluence.
Avoid the pressure to fill up time with busyness.
Avail yourself to opportunities that come along because you're not too busy.
Acknowledge your significance, busy or not.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Supporting Wall Syndrome

I can spend hours watching my favorite shows on the Home and Garden Network (HGTV). Seduced by the Before and After pictures of home renovations, I am mesmerized by the magical transformations limited only by one's creative imagination. What's more, I am equally drawn to the designers' approach to their work.

Early in the renovation process designers address the challenges that get in the way of their master plan, such as a weight-bearing wall or ductwork that interrupts the flow of an open-concept floor plan. Somehow, along with the homeowners, they find a way to move obstacles and redirect financial resources so the final outcome is not compromised.

In some ways, I am a designer—helping people renovate their next stage of life. But unlike home designers, I find that people have an opposite approach to their work. Clients often start with reasons why they can't do something, and then attempt to build a lifestyle that fits into this limited plan.

I call this the "Supporting Wall Syndrome."

Earlier this week I had a discussion with my brother-in-law about supporting walls. I said, "I'm thinking about removing a wall that blocks my view of the Catskill Mountains." Richard responded, "That's a supporting wall. You're not moving that." I said they do it all the time on HGTV.

Although Richard knows a lot more than I do about home renovations, I'm not so sure the wall is bearing the weight of the room. There is a post in another area so the wall blocking my view may be easy to remove. The point is that assumptions are not always fact. Check them out. Not only check them out, but also question them. "So it is a supporting wall, then what are my options?"

When designing your retirement lifestyle, start with an attitude of possibility. If you believe you can't do something, check to see if you're falling prey to the supporting wall syndrome. Then don't be afraid to ask, "What would it take to move the wall?"

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

One-Year Project

After speaking to a roomful of retiring educators, a woman named Linda came up to me saying, "I'm feeling very anxious about retiring because everyone at work keeps asking me what I'm going to do. I don't know what I'm going to do. I wish they would stop asking—they're only increasing my anxiety."

I turned to Linda and suggested she focus on what she would like to do the first year—narrow her timeframe to 12 months. Many people I speak with have a to-do list that covers the first 6 months or more. Not that I recommend a long to-do list, but it's often what helps people feel more comfortable with their newfound freedom.

Still, Linda was not inspired, which might be a good thing. She will have to search a little longer, dig deeper for inspiration, but the outcome will be worth the effort.

I continued to think about Linda on my drive home. What could I offer that would give her a sense of direction? Retirement is unchartered territory and even a little reception from her internal GPS might offer hope. That's when three words from Brene Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection, came to mind: courage, compassion and connection.

The answer to "What are you going to do?" is "I'm going to spend the first year of retirement focusing on three areas of my life: courage, compassion and connection." My one-year project is to explore what these mean to me and then take steps to create more of each in my life." One-year projects are a popular notion—think of the success of The Happiness Project and the true story of Julie Powell's one-year commitment to cook every recipe (524 recipes!) in Julia Child's cookbook.

Back to Linda…

To start her project, Linda (and you, if you wish to play along) needs to define what courage, compassion, and connection mean to her. She can look to the dictionary for definitions, but I prefer to define these words from the heart. What does courage mean to her? What difference will courage make in her life? What would she do if she were more courageous? Ask the same questions for compassion and connection.

The next step is to take action. Come up with a plan for exercising courage, compassion and connection, every day. Share it with others to increase commitment and accountability. At any time during the year Linda may discover new interests and how she wants to spend her retirement. Perfect! Now she has more than one answer to "What are you going to do?"

Friday, May 6, 2016

Altering the Course of My Life

(This post is purposely brief to demonstrate that it only takes 250 words to alter the course of your life.)

When was the last time you did something that altered the course of your life?

You may believe a life-altering experience requires something so big that you decide, "What's the use? I don't have any BIG ideas. That is what happens to people who are smarter, braver, richer…"

I might agree if not for the stories from people who make big changes in their lives by taking small steps, not knowing where they are going, but refusing to stand still. According to author Elizabeth Gilbert, "any motion whatsoever beats inertia, because inspiration will always be drawn to motion."

I love the idea of inspiration being drawn to motion—a genie's bottle that once rubbed releases ideas and opportunities. Frans Johansson of The Click Moment agrees, "By taking action, you open up a wide range of new ideas, possibilities, and connections." By putting something into motion, you "create something for these forces to latch on to. You must actually do something, even if you are not sure where it will lead."

You don't have to do something BIG to release these forces. One woman applied to volunteer in the National Parks for a summer. In her words, "I felt it was right. The experience would be a once in a lifetime opportunity, and that by sending the application, I was altering the course of my life."

Put something into motion. Send the email. Make the phone call. Submit the application. Actions are the way to alter the course of your life!