A Short Story

I love the first page of a new journal. The smooth white paper represents the beginning of a new journey that will be revealed in the pages to follow. Anything can happen. Like looking into a crystal ball—gradually the future comes into focus as the pages fill up.

I recently experienced the joy of a "first page" after recording a final entry in my red leather journal. Just the act of choosing the next journal brings me joy, and since I love buying journals, I usually have a stack from which to choose. This time I chose a small brown leather journal that Oprah Winfrey sent to everyone who registered for her Life Lessons class. It's a smaller journal that I usually buy, but it was free, so I can't complain.

On the first page I wrote:

"The first page of a new journal—always exciting and filled with dreams, hopes, and visions of what will be the story of this journal. This is a short journal—I think it will contain a short story—maybe I can pack a lot of living into a short story."

And so this is how I'm approaching the next couple months of my life. I have only 70 pages to create my story. I'll need to put forth extra effort to make it an interesting story—one that I'll want to read over and over again. I can't waste pages on boring, everyday stuff. And so, every day I look for something that will add to my short story. I plan to go for the adventures, initiative courageous conversations, and to grow by getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

My short journal is a metaphor for life. None of us know if we have a long journal or a short journal. Last week I attended the funeral of a 48-year-old friend. I'm sure he thought his "journal" was much longer—that he had plenty of pages to fill. He didn't know that he'd been dealt a short journal.

Retirement is the perfect time to approach life as if it is a short story. Perhaps for the first time in your life a boss, your business, or other commitments are no longer managing you. The pen is in your hand. The blank pages are yours to fill.

All writers know that facing a blank page can be scary, but it's also an opportunity to write a bestseller. So get started—write your story, one that brings you to the edge of your seat and is too good to put down. You are the author of your life. Make it a bestseller!

Recreating Your Life

When you were a kid did you ever go to summer camp?

I did.

As I remember, the first few days I felt very lonely. From my perception, all the other campers had friends and they were having a great time. I thought there was something wrong with me. I had been told really cool stories about summer camp—new friends, campfire songs, swimming pools, sleeping on the top bunk, art and crafts, etc. I couldn’t wait to get there, counting down the weeks and days. And now that I was there, I felt like going home—back to what felt comfortable and familiar.

But I didn’t.

Instead I stuck it out and by Wednesday afternoon I felt the shift. I was becoming part of the group. By Saturday I didn’t want to leave my new friends and familiar environment and routine. Camp was fun, but only after I made it through the first few transitional days.

I recently had my "grown-up" version of going to summer camp. I started a new part-time job with a company that I’ve earnestly pursued for the past couple years. I’d built up the dream of working for this company, imagining my new life in Corporate America, getting away from my small town and spending evenings in the city. But, just like summer camp, the first couple days on the job I felt more melancholic than joyful about my new life. And, just like summer camp, I knew I needed to give it time, believing that this new life is exactly what I want to create in retirement.

I’m sharing my recreating story with you so that you’ll be ready for your "first few days at summer camp" experience. Motivational speakers and authors readily assert that changing your life is easy. Just dream it and start doing it. I agree with the "start" part. To change your life, you have to start somewhere. You have to actively take steps to move in the direction of your dreams.

What these well-meaning folks don’t say is, "It’s going to be difficult and feel unfamiliar. You might even want to give up and return to what feels comfortable, even when you’re bored and dissatisfied with comfortable."  I don’t want you to retrace all the steps you’ve taken to get your new life into motion. Instead, I want you to keep moving forward, boldly, believing that what you’re giving up is worth what you can create.

Authors Richard Leider and Alan Webber understand the "summer camp experience." In their book, "Life Reimagined" they tell it like it is: "Reimagining your life is going to be messy." You need to "start to be comfortable with being uncomfortable." And still, "It’s time for a new story to replace the old one." According to Leider and Webber, nobody gets a free pass from having to confront the hard parts of life. If you want to recreate your life, reimagine how you want to live the second half of your life, then be ready for the hard parts.

I agree with Leider and Webber: "The people who are crazy enough to think they can change their lives are the ones who do. With exploration, you begin to change your journey; you begin to open yourself up to the unknown. You begin to separate the old story—what you’ve always done, who you’ve always been—from the new story—what you’d like to learn to do, who you’d like to become."

But to do this, be prepared to experience the first few days (or longer!) of summer camp.

Think Big. Act Bold.

You might think that a retirement expert gets her inspiration from other authors of retirement books. Not me.

I gain insight from authors writing about best business and management practices, not from books describing the best vacation and retirement communities. That’s why I’ve decided to take one book each month and focus on 5 steps that can help you thrive in retirement.

This month’s featured book is, “The One Thing: The Surprising Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results” by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. 

     1. Don’t fear big. Fear mediocrity.

“Don’t fear big—fear mediocrity” is my mantra for 2014. When I’m pursuing something outside of my comfort zone, when it would be easier to stay in the comfort of my home instead of speaking in front of a standing-room only audience, I remind myself that this isn’t mediocrity. Stressful—maybe, but not mediocre. I don’t need to fear getting too big, having my passion take too much of my time or energy, I need to fear mediocrity.

If you feared mediocrity, what bold actions would you take today?

2. Big thoughts go nowhere without bold action. Don’t let small thinking cut your life down to size.

Where are you thinking big? Where are you acting bold? I often have people tell me they plan to downsize in retirement. This may be appropriate when we’re talking about stuff—material belongings, but it should never apply to our life expectations and dreams. These are the wrong things to make small. Think big. Act bold. It’s too late to play it safe.

     3. Magic never happens in the middle; magic happens at the extremes.

Retirement is the perfect time to live life out of balance. What are you doing at the extremes? Magic happens when we get deeply involved in something that we care about—acting with purpose.

    4. Circumstances won’t change by themselves, so let’s get on with it.

What are you doing to change your circumstances? You play the leading role in the circumstances of your life. Write a script that excites you and begin to act it out, boldly.

    5. The best goal explores what’s possible.

Forget “doable” goals. Write these on a to-do list and check them off. To create a retirement that makes you wake up curious and eager to get started, you need stretch goals that are at the edge of your current abilities. Almost impossible. Almost unreasonable. Think big. Act bold.


Written by Patrice Jenkins, Ph.D., author of "What Will I Do All Day? Wisdom To Get You Over Retirement and On With Living!"

Contact Patrice at 518-641-8645. Email: patrice@patricejenkins.com

What You Might Have Been...

Do you have a career regret? Maybe you dreamed of being a writer, but chose a career in banking because it paid the bills. Or perhaps you imagined having your own brewery, testing new recipes and creating a community of beer enthusiasts. However, your real job got in the way of fulfilling this dream.  

When I reflect on my career, my one regret is I didn’t accept an invitation to interview with Viking Sewing Machine Co. in Minneapolis. I always wanted to be a home economist in business. I was in love with the idea of living the “Mary Tyler Moore lifestyle.”

So, when Viking Sewing Machine Company called, why didn’t I accept an invitation to interview?

The position paid 2/3 of what I was earning at an educational institution. I had trouble making a living on this salary while living in a rural New York town. How could I possibly move to a big city and live on 1/3 less income? I believed I would have to borrow from my parents to meet monthly expenses. This might be the norm in 2014—it wasn’t acceptable in 1984.

If similar pressures impacted your career decisions, the good news is that there isn’t only ONE thing that you were meant to be. Retirement is the perfect time to uncover regrets, and address unfinished business or unfulfilled dreams. As George Eliot said, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

Although my career followed an educational path, my dream to work in Corporate America remained alive. Dreams that are meant to be don’t die. They may be dormant for a while, 30 years in my case, but if they are real, their spirit remains strong.

I’m using my “retirement years” to breathe life into this dream. I’m acting boldly. (It’s too late to play it safe.) And my efforts are paying off. Within a few weeks I may be living my dream of working in Corporate America. Retirement has given me a second chance to live life with no regrets—to become what I might have been. 

How about you? What do you really want? What dreams won’t fade away? How can you use your retirement to realize this dream?

A Change in Priorities

What does a bum knee and birthday party have to do with designing a fulfilling retirement?
A lot. Let me explain.

I decided to mark my 55^th birthday with a special celebration—a reason to bring together sisters and daughters, and at the same time be physically challenged. The Tufts 10K women’s race in Boston presented the perfect balance of effort and enjoyment.

I reserved hotel rooms, booked dinner reservations, and decided on a sub-55 minutes 10K training schedule. Little did I know that a yoga class would derail my training and targeted goal. Due to a knee injury, I had to settle for walking instead of running. I had looked forward to running a great race—defying my age and running past women half my age. Instead, I got something much better.

I can’t boast of a 55-minute race and yet this was one of my most rewarding races. Why? 

I learned that my need for connection takes precedence over my need for achievement. 

If I had been able to accomplish my race goal, I would have done it alone.

Kim, Patrice, and Laurie

Lessons from this weekend are captured in one picture—a reminder of two competing needs—achievement and connection. I can choose to focus on the race clock, which is the slowest time I have ever finished a 10K race, or focus on the connection I experienced with my sisters. It’s a choice.

Which brings me to retirement—the perfect time to re-evaluate our priorities. 

Throughout our careers we have been driven by achievement—the next rung on the ladder. And while achievement still has its place in retirement, we need more. Without connection, achievement is superficial. 

But start with connection and add achievement, you have a winning combination!

Note: Although I ran my slowest race, I walked my fastest race: 12.1 minutes/mile.