Earlier this
month I wrote about the challenges of being in the middle of a major life transition—the
period when we're hanging out in limbo and forced to live in the question,
"What's next?"
Our natural
tendency is to relieve the tension of this ambiguous state by rushing into
something…anything. And yet, I encourage readers to not hurry through this
stage. That the middle is a rich source of self-discovery, exploration and
opportunity.
All this sounds
great except for the question, "How do we do it?" If I'm asking you
to hang out in limbo for a while, I want to provide a compass that will help
you navigate this new territory. I won't hold your hand and walk you directly
to "home" but if you use the COMPASS,
you'll begin to get a sense of direction. You'll feel renewed hope, and a
little hope goes a long way to helping you stay on the path.
Courage: It's going to take courage to create something
meaningful in this next stage of life. When you commit to a courageous new
beginning, expect discomfort. According to author Brene Brown, "We can
choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the
same time." Accept the fact that you can't have comfort and courage, then
determine the path you want to be on. I hope you choose courage.
Organizing
concept: When we've lost
our sense of direction, an organizing concept helps us feel reoriented.
Unfortunately retirement's old organizing concept—not working—doesn't work for Baby
Boomers. We want more than 7 days/week on the golf course. A new organizing
concept suggested by authors Nelson and Bolles is three-dimensional: Development,
Productivity, and Leisure. Consider what you want to do in each of these areas,
and then take steps to make something happen.
Matters: What really matters to you? What must you
have in your life? I call these your Life
Essentials. They're what you value most and don't
want to live without. They make up the best version of our life. If you want to
spend your time doing what matters, then you need to know what matters to you.
List your essentials and use them as a framework for creating this next stage
of life.
Plan: Begin to create a plan. You don't need a detailed
vision of where you want to go to get started. By being courageous, using the
three-dimensional organizing concept, and incorporating what matters most, you
have enough material to start designing a new beginning.
Adventure: Embrace the adventure of creating a new
beginning. Be willing to experiment. You don't have to get it right the first
time.
Sabbatical:
If you're feeling lost
and listless, claim this time as your sabbatical year. A sabbatical
often includes some type of intense study, but there is also more time for
personal growth and pleasure. It's a
time of self-reflection, realigning, and exploration.
Another way of defining this stage is a "Gap Year."
Marc Freedman, author of The Big Shift:
Navigating the New Stage Beyond Midlife, suggests a gap year for grown-ups
offers "the chance for reflection, renewal, and redirection."
Freedman advocates a gap year as "an opportunity to disrupt familiar
patterns (and inertia), to grow personally, to be exposed to new experiences,
and try on potential future roles."
Stories: As you navigate this next stage of
life, imagine that you're writing your own story—a book that is full of
adventure, humor, challenges and successes. A plot that brings you to the edge
of your seat, makes you laugh out loud, and leaves you feeling happy and eager
to read the next volume in the sequel. Create a table of contents by reflecting
on the past, observing the present, and looking ahead to your future. Then take
the next step toward making this story a reality.
The COMPASS is a
guide to navigate "the middle" and keep you from getting stuck in
limbo. Fortunately you don't have to feel strong or confident about your
ability to bring about change. In fact, as author Mallika Chopra states in her
book, Living with Intent, "Change
doesn't happen when we feel confident, strong, and rooted. The blessing of
uncertainty is that it gives us the nudge we need to dig deep—to incubate and
reflect on what we want—and to find the courage to carve out a different
path."
Use the discomfort of "the middle" to make
something BIG happen in your life!
Copyright 2016 Patrice Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.
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