Think Big. Act Bold.

You might think that a retirement expert gets her inspiration from other authors of retirement books. Not me.

I gain insight from authors writing about best business and management practices, not from books describing the best vacation and retirement communities. That’s why I’ve decided to take one book each month and focus on 5 steps that can help you thrive in retirement.

This month’s featured book is, “The One Thing: The Surprising Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results” by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. 

     1. Don’t fear big. Fear mediocrity.

“Don’t fear big—fear mediocrity” is my mantra for 2014. When I’m pursuing something outside of my comfort zone, when it would be easier to stay in the comfort of my home instead of speaking in front of a standing-room only audience, I remind myself that this isn’t mediocrity. Stressful—maybe, but not mediocre. I don’t need to fear getting too big, having my passion take too much of my time or energy, I need to fear mediocrity.

If you feared mediocrity, what bold actions would you take today?

2. Big thoughts go nowhere without bold action. Don’t let small thinking cut your life down to size.

Where are you thinking big? Where are you acting bold? I often have people tell me they plan to downsize in retirement. This may be appropriate when we’re talking about stuff—material belongings, but it should never apply to our life expectations and dreams. These are the wrong things to make small. Think big. Act bold. It’s too late to play it safe.

     3. Magic never happens in the middle; magic happens at the extremes.

Retirement is the perfect time to live life out of balance. What are you doing at the extremes? Magic happens when we get deeply involved in something that we care about—acting with purpose.

    4. Circumstances won’t change by themselves, so let’s get on with it.

What are you doing to change your circumstances? You play the leading role in the circumstances of your life. Write a script that excites you and begin to act it out, boldly.

    5. The best goal explores what’s possible.

Forget “doable” goals. Write these on a to-do list and check them off. To create a retirement that makes you wake up curious and eager to get started, you need stretch goals that are at the edge of your current abilities. Almost impossible. Almost unreasonable. Think big. Act bold.


Written by Patrice Jenkins, Ph.D., author of "What Will I Do All Day? Wisdom To Get You Over Retirement and On With Living!"

Contact Patrice at 518-641-8645. Email: patrice@patricejenkins.com

What You Might Have Been...

Do you have a career regret? Maybe you dreamed of being a writer, but chose a career in banking because it paid the bills. Or perhaps you imagined having your own brewery, testing new recipes and creating a community of beer enthusiasts. However, your real job got in the way of fulfilling this dream.  

When I reflect on my career, my one regret is I didn’t accept an invitation to interview with Viking Sewing Machine Co. in Minneapolis. I always wanted to be a home economist in business. I was in love with the idea of living the “Mary Tyler Moore lifestyle.”

So, when Viking Sewing Machine Company called, why didn’t I accept an invitation to interview?

The position paid 2/3 of what I was earning at an educational institution. I had trouble making a living on this salary while living in a rural New York town. How could I possibly move to a big city and live on 1/3 less income? I believed I would have to borrow from my parents to meet monthly expenses. This might be the norm in 2014—it wasn’t acceptable in 1984.

If similar pressures impacted your career decisions, the good news is that there isn’t only ONE thing that you were meant to be. Retirement is the perfect time to uncover regrets, and address unfinished business or unfulfilled dreams. As George Eliot said, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

Although my career followed an educational path, my dream to work in Corporate America remained alive. Dreams that are meant to be don’t die. They may be dormant for a while, 30 years in my case, but if they are real, their spirit remains strong.

I’m using my “retirement years” to breathe life into this dream. I’m acting boldly. (It’s too late to play it safe.) And my efforts are paying off. Within a few weeks I may be living my dream of working in Corporate America. Retirement has given me a second chance to live life with no regrets—to become what I might have been. 

How about you? What do you really want? What dreams won’t fade away? How can you use your retirement to realize this dream?

A Change in Priorities

What does a bum knee and birthday party have to do with designing a fulfilling retirement?
A lot. Let me explain.

I decided to mark my 55^th birthday with a special celebration—a reason to bring together sisters and daughters, and at the same time be physically challenged. The Tufts 10K women’s race in Boston presented the perfect balance of effort and enjoyment.

I reserved hotel rooms, booked dinner reservations, and decided on a sub-55 minutes 10K training schedule. Little did I know that a yoga class would derail my training and targeted goal. Due to a knee injury, I had to settle for walking instead of running. I had looked forward to running a great race—defying my age and running past women half my age. Instead, I got something much better.

I can’t boast of a 55-minute race and yet this was one of my most rewarding races. Why? 

I learned that my need for connection takes precedence over my need for achievement. 

If I had been able to accomplish my race goal, I would have done it alone.

Kim, Patrice, and Laurie

Lessons from this weekend are captured in one picture—a reminder of two competing needs—achievement and connection. I can choose to focus on the race clock, which is the slowest time I have ever finished a 10K race, or focus on the connection I experienced with my sisters. It’s a choice.

Which brings me to retirement—the perfect time to re-evaluate our priorities. 

Throughout our careers we have been driven by achievement—the next rung on the ladder. And while achievement still has its place in retirement, we need more. Without connection, achievement is superficial. 

But start with connection and add achievement, you have a winning combination!

Note: Although I ran my slowest race, I walked my fastest race: 12.1 minutes/mile.

Ditch the "To-Do" List

During the first six months of retirement many of us develop long “to-do” lists. With this we derive satisfaction from crossing chores off the list that have been unfinished for years.

At first a to-do list is just what we need in retirement. The jobs bring structure to our day and create a sense of accomplishment, both important at a time when we may have lost our sense of direction.

Nonetheless, sooner or later a to-do list loses its power to satisfy and gratify. If you’re hitting the snooze button for the third time, then it’s time to consider a different list: a “no-regret” list.

A no-regret list is a way to live life backwards—by fast forwarding we find direction for how to live now.

Begin by considering what really matters to you. If you were on your deathbed, what would you regret having left undone?

If you’re struggling to come up with ideas, then begin with a list developed by a palliative nurse who recorded the most common regrets of the dying in a book called “The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.”

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. 
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Consider each of the above and create a to-do list based on no-regrets. For example:

*Initiate steps to pursue an unfulfilled dream.

*Speak up—commit to courageous conversations instead of playing it safe and settling for a mediocre existence.

*Reconnect with friends and family.

*Stop pretending to be happy. Pursue new habits and patterns that will bring laughter and silliness into your life.

Retirement is the perfect time to work on your no-regret list. The other lists can wait.

Adapted from The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. Click here for full article.

A Road of Discovery

A good way to discover what you need and want in retirement is to be reminded of what you don’t want. Let me explain.

This week when my husband asked what I had planned for the week I went through my daybook. After mentioning a couple meetings, conference calls, and yoga class, I said, “Not enough.”

If “not enough” is your response, then it’s time to do something about it. That’s the advice I’d give you, so it’s the advice I gave myself as I entered a home decorating fabric studio and saw an announcement for a part-time sales associate position posted on the door.

Hmmm, maybe this is a “god-thing.” Maybe I’m supposed to apply. I love handling fabrics and transforming rooms. I know a lot about fabric—my undergraduate degree is in textiles and clothing. Spending time in this environment will nurture my creative spirit and address my need for more social interaction.

I was scared to inquire about the position, but then asked myself, 

“What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” 

The answer, “I’d mention my interest in the position to my sales associate.” So, I did. She went to the back of the store and brought out the store manager.

I told the manager about my knowledge and experience with fabrics and decorating. Then she told me about the hours and expectations of the position. 

• Three Saturdays each month. 
• At least three days each week. 
• Schedules created a month in advance, so no last minute decisions to get out of town for a few days. 

The manager reminded me, “This is retail.” She’s right. Retail requires that staff be available when people are available to shop. So why did this information deflate my enthusiasm for the position?

When I got back to my car I was proud of myself for asking about the job. I didn’t allow fear to hold me back. Yet, when I thought about committing 3 out of 4 Saturdays to the design studio, my interest plunged. Ideally, I could set my own hours—have a place to go when I’m available, not according to a pre-determined schedule. The pay wouldn’t matter much if I had this freedom.

Take away the freedom, and the pay matters more—more than it pays.

So will I apply? No. If the decision was only mine to make and I didn’t have to think of anyone else, then yes, I’d consider it. In this situation, a Saturday could be just the same as any other day of the week. But, I’m in a partnership with my husband. Having only one Saturday each month to be free with him is not enough when we have other choices.

Does this mean I will never find a place for creative expression and social interaction? No. But most likely it will not be in retail. Perhaps a non-profit organization or my own consulting business is where I need to look for and create opportunities.

I feel like I made progress today, even though I’m no closer to having more on my schedule. By being reminded of what I don’t want—that I won’t give up the freedom that retirement offers—I’ll look for opportunities elsewhere. I’ll speak up, just as I did today. And eventually, what I want and what I need will come together.

How about you?

What do you need in retirement?

Does your schedule have too many gaps or lack meaningful activities or involvement?

Where can you start to address this need? What do you think will add meaning and fun to your schedule? What will you look into, even if you are afraid?

Take note of what you learn once you take action. Today I learned that I place more value on my freedom than I realized. In moving forward, I’ll look for opportunities that sustain my freedom, not suppress it.