Thursday, September 12, 2019

What do you do for fun?

Over the past 10 years that I’ve been speaking and writing about retirement, I’ve given a lot of advice on how to answer the question, “What do you do?” I’ve encouraged people to have an answer for this question before their first day of retirement. And here’s the challenge—they can’t just talk about what they’ve done. The question is in the present tense.

Something I haven’t done is to prepare people for another question—one that seems easy, but recently when I was asked, “What do you do for fun?” I couldn’t come up with an immediate answer. I was taken aback, and a little embarrassed. It was meant to be a simple question. So I’ve spent some time thinking about why it was so complex, and what I want to learn from it.

“What do I do for fun?”

I could talk about my retirement writing and speaking, and although some of it is fun, it’s also work.

My volunteer roles are meaningful, and they draw upon my strengths, but are they fun? Most of the time they’re more like work. I receive many of the benefits of work, such as belonging to a community, making a difference, etc. There is value in these benefits, but fun? Not really.

 I spend a lot of time exercising. It’s good for me and I love the benefits, but it’s not what I’d call fun. It’s discipline.

So what is fun and why is it important to know what I do for fun?

When I know what is fun for me, I’ll do it more often. I’ll find ways to combine it with meaningful ways to contribute and make a difference. For example, I love to bake and decorate cookies. I’ve made cookies for a friend’s bridal shower, cookies representing a non-profit’s logo, the number 90 for my dad’s 90th birthday celebration, and cookies with my son’s company logo, packaged as if they were a box of business cards. This is fun. 

Sitting at a high top counter at my favorite coffee shop and writing while sipping an extra hot café mocha is fun.

Creating personalized gifts and cards for people is fun.

Searching online for houses and visiting open houses is fun.

Shopping with my daughter and sister is fun.

Playing with my granddaughters is fun.

Why does it matter that you know what you do for fun? By increasing your awareness of what brings you joy and delight, you’ll invest more time and energy in doing it more often. You’ll invite more fun into your life. And more fun is fun!

Copyright 2019. Patrice Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Choose the Bigger Life

Gretchen Rubin writes in her book Outer Order—Inner Calm, “When trying to make a tough choice, challenge yourself: ‘Choose the bigger life.’”
I kept this quote in mind while vacationing in Iceland this past week. The first stop on our tour was Seljalandsfoss, a waterfall that you can walk behind. As Dave and I approached it, he said, “Are you going to go behind it?” Without hesitation I said, “Yes.” From the backside I experienced the exhilaration of water falling 65 meters over an old sea cliff. Even though the climb was more challenging than I expected, I’m glad I chose the bigger life. 

Another stop on our itinerary was hiking into a glacial ice cave. I was expecting a beautiful walk surrounded by blue ice and stalactites and stalagmites. Maybe something like you’d see in Disney’s Frozen movie. Instead, because of the lava particles, the glacier was black. When our guide showed us how to strap ice cleats to our hiking boots I knew this was not going to be what I expected. Still, I pulled on the cleats and made my way into the cave. I tasted 3,000-year-old ice. Cool. Well, cold. I chose the bigger life. 

Philosopher Henry David Thoreau wrote, “I love a broad margin to my life.” I like to imagine a sheet of lined paper with wide margins—space to write my bigger life.

The late Maya Angelo reminds us, "Because of the routines we follow, we often forget that life is an ongoing adventure." Similarly, Robin Sharma, best-selling author and leadership expert, says, “Don’t live the same day for 75 years and call it a life.”

Instead, choose the bigger life.

Copyright 2019. Patrice Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Return to What You Know

My mom taught me to sew when I was in the fifth grade. And for the next 30 years, I sewed something almost every day. During that time I had a baby quilt business and also designed and manufactured my own line of children’s clothing. Most days you’d find me walking around the house wearing a tape measure as if it were a necklace. 

These days I don’t sew very often, so yesterday when I made new cushion covers for a wicker chair, I noticed how good it felt to have a tape measure around my neck.  I sensed I was returning to a familiar activity that brings great satisfaction. I was rediscovering the simple pleasure of sewing.

Retirement is a perfect time to learn new skills and explore different interests and hobbies. And it’s also a time to return to what you know—especially if you feel like everything has changed. This was the case for Ruth Reichl, former Editor in Chief of Gourmet magazine, a role she held for 10 years until the magazine came to an abrupt closing in 2009.

In her book, My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes that Save My Life, Reichl writes, “My kitchen year started in time of trouble, but it taught me a great deal. When I went back to cooking I rediscovered simple pleasures, and as I began to appreciate the world around me, I learned that the secret to life is finding joy in ordinary things.”

As you work to create a meaningful retirement, remember what used to bring joy and satisfaction. Then go do more of that.

Copyright 2019. Patrice Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

What do you do?

Possibly the most dreaded question in retirement is, “What do you do?” Many of us fumble when answering this question. We try to talk about something that feels important and significant. As a retired school principal said, “I feel like I have to keep talking until I see validation in their eyes.”

Instead of talking about what we’re doing, it’s easier to revert to what we did. “I’m a retired teacher.” “I’m a retired dentist.” People understand these jobs and the socio-economic status that comes with them. But in most cases, they are not what we’re “doing.” And by not talking about what we’re doing—what we’re aiming for or creating—we miss an opportunity to build that next thing.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk about what you did. It’s certainly a part of who you are and what you bring into your retirement. But I also want you to say, “… and now I’m doing ______.” It’s the and that gets you and others excited about getting out of bed in the morning. People want to support and encourage your next thing. They’re eager to “add logs to the fire” and play a part in your success and happiness. They can’t do this if you don’t tell them what you’re thinking about—your dreams and goals for this next chapter in life.

Author Paolo Gallo shares a message from his dad in The Compass and the Radar: The Art of Building a Rewarding Career While Remaining True to Yourself. Because of his dad’s job, Paolo saw him only a few times during the year. At a certain age, his dad stopped asking what had happened since the last time they were together. Instead he said, “Son, starting tomorrow, don’t talk about what you did, but ask yourself if you love what you do, what you have learned and if you’ve managed to help others: nothing else matters.” Perhaps this message applies to us too.

Do I love what I do?
Am I learning something?
Am I helping someone?

So what do you love to do? Make a list. If you love baking big gooey chocolate chip cookies, do it. Don’t let your education, former status and impressive accomplishments keep you from doing what you enjoy. Get over yourself and be good to yourself.

What are you learning? It’s important for your brain’s health to keep learning and stimulating new connections between nerve cells. Mentally stimulating activities such as taking courses, completing word puzzles and math problems, as well as activities that require manual dexterity such as drawing, painting, and other crafts contribute to brain health.  

Who am I helping? We know from studies in Positive Psychology that being involved in something “greater than ourselves” contributes to happiness and life satisfaction. Where can your skills and talents make a difference? What cause do you care about and how can you get involved?

Starting today when asked, “What do you do?” talk less about what you did and more about the life you’re creating.

Copyright 2019. Patrice Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.  

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Discover Possibilities by Doing

I’m aiming to make 2019 my Best Year Yet. So on January 1st I made a list of goals and wrote down detailed action steps. On July 1st I reviewed my goals and progress to see how I’m doing and where I need to put forth extra effort. I know what I’m aiming for. I have a clear path of what I want. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life with this approach. Set a goal. Outline steps to achieve this goal. Work tirelessly to accomplish it. Celebrate. Set next goal.

This method of working back from a goal usually succeeds when we’re really clear about what we want and how to accomplish it. But sometimes life isn’t so clear. This is especially true in retirement. At this stage of life there are questions we didn’t have time to consider or that weren’t applicable when we were working—Who am I without a job title? What can I do that will bring more purpose, direction and meaning to my life? What’s next? When we don’t have answers, a good place to start is with what we already know.

According David Epstein, author of Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, “we learn who we are in practice, not in theory.” Epstein quotes Paul Graham (computer scientist and cofounder of Y Combinator) stating, “instead of working back from a goal, work forward from promising situations….don’t commit to anything in the future, but just look at the options available now, and choose those that will give you the most promising range of options afterward.” One thing I need in retirement is a greater sense of community. Today I was asked to help support the women’s ministry leaders in my church. This is a promising option that’s available now. I’m going to take it and see where it goes.

Along the same lines, Herminia Ibarra (professor of organizational behavior at London Business School) reasons, “We learn who we are only by living, and not before.” Instead of having a clear path of what we want before acting, Ibarra suggests, “first act and then think….we discover the possibilities by doing, by trying new activities, building new networks, finding new role models.” Epstein encourages us to “flirt with your possible selves.” We don’t have to know the grand scheme.  

So where can we begin to act? What options do we already have available? Let’s approach each situation with a beginner’s mindset, being open to learning and growing. We can quit if something doesn’t fit, and move on to the next experiment. We’ll discover possibilities by doing—we’ll learn by living—and not before.

Copyright 2019. Patrice Jenkins. All Rights Reserved.